At this time of year it is our custom and privilege as free Americans to come together and give thanks for the many things God has blessed us with.

The older I get the quicker the years flash by. It seems like only yesterday that we were enrolling my son in his first school here in Arizona and my daughter into preschool. Now West is a 25 year old young man and Gracie is a Senior in high school. They bless us every day and "WOW" is the only suitable word for the life we have been blessed to enjoy.

Today we gave thanks before a special meal, as we should at every meal. However, I am often challenged to remember to give thanks before the football game for sight and hearing, and thanks before opening the book for intellect and understanding, and thanks before walking, running, going for groceries, and embracing a loved one.

Things so easily overlooked each day like the ability to hear someone say “I Love You” then to respond “I Love You” - to listen to my children gives thanks and say grace – to feel the hand of my loved ones as we all gather together - to taste the wonderful meals we enjoy not just on Thanksgiving but every day - all incredible miracles in their own right.

The blessing to be an American and be free to work and worship as we choose should be remembered. 

We are all blessed and should never take it for granted.

This world seems at times to be working overtime to steal our joy for living and our ability to see the wonder and blessing all around us. For me counting my blessings with a thankful heart seems to bring it all back into the proper perspective.

For us the blessings we count at this time of year always include the people we have come to know, “You” - our friends and those we have been blessed to work with. We are so grateful that we have been blessed to know you and it is our sincere hope that the coming holiday season will bring each of you joy, happiness, laughter and every good thing that God has for you and your family.

We have been here in Arizona for 14 years now, this is home and I cannot imagine life anywhere else. The southwest has been a wonderful place to live and raise our family.

Take care and have a blessed and joy-filled Thanksgiving holiday!!

"In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." - 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV

“Getting to Thanksgiving – Step 1”

“What have I got to be thankful for?” A question that so many seem to be asking themselves these days and depending on the place they are asking from it can be a tough question to answer . . . if we choose to look at only what we do not have. Discontent is an illness that if not brought into check daily can render terminal pain and destroy our relationships with others and with ourselves.

Over the last few years I have made a study of people (myself included) with the goal of figuring out what makes people unhappy, difficult to deal with and generally discontent with their lives. What I have found is really pretty simple to pin-point and even simpler to remedy and yet so many others choose to continue on the very same path that has brought them to this point of unhappiness and self doubt. It is no less than fascinating to listen to someone bemoan their current situation and yet have absolutely no plan or desire to do anything to make it better.

When looking back over my life and cataloging the defeats, disappointments, death and disaster that I have experienced there is one thing that stands out in all of it. When I dwelt on the event and the things I could not control (namely the other people involved) I rarely, if ever, got any type of outcome I desired. It generally just went bad for me and interestingly it seemed to get worse. My grandmother used to say that, “Bad news comes in three’s” and that was the case for me it seemed. What I did not realize is that if you believe and expect that then it is generally true but that is not the way it has to be.

Over the last 15 years I made a major shift in my thinking and my reactions to what seemed to be “Bad news” and it has truly changed my life and my relationships. The simple change was three-fold -

1. I began to ask this double-edged question after every single event that did not turn out as I would have liked – “What could I have done differently to possibly avoid this and what is there to be learned from this event?” This shifted the responsibility for my actions and my attitude to the proper person . . . ME! It may not have been my fault or my doing but how I choose to react is solely on me.
2.  I continually remind myself that what is “done is done” and the only productive direction is forward – looking back and reliving pain, failure and disappointment only steals from me the present moment. Times with loved ones, a beautiful sunset, the opportunity to tell someone you love them and so many others all could be missed if our mind is set on a harsh word, injustice or slight committed against us last week, last year or worst of all 20 years ago. I realized the insanity and personal stupidity of this because I cannot turn back the clock and fix it. The great Zig Ziglar said it best. “You are at the top when you realize and clearly understand that failure (however it manifests) is an event, NOT a person; that yesterday really did end last night, and today is YOUR brand new day.” Events do no not shape my life, my responses do . . . Period.
3. I did something that to many of you will sound so crazy but yet for me it now seems crazy not to do it. When someone or something happens to me that in most people’s lives would create frustration I have turned that around completely. If I am cut off in traffic or someone says something to me that is rude, insensitive or just plain dumb and when I am faced with a person so negative and mired in events over which they have no control yet they have allowed it to take over their psyche, these folks used to frustrate me because I wanted to “change” them in some way. Well that Is no longer how I “react” now I simply observe, listen, if asked I will offer advice but for the most part I simply smile and in the back of my mind say to myself . . . “Fascinating, I wonder what would cause them to act, think or feel that way."

You see what I have come to realize is that I cannot control what others do, think or feel no matter how wrong and/or personally destructive their behavior may be. Once I made this a big part of how I saw the actions of others my frustration level dropped to almost zero and my fascination with all aspects of life multiplied exponentially. (Side note – Does it work all the time? In a word, NO! However it does way more than it does not . . . and I like those odds.)

The Apostle Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians, “For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweigh them and will last forever.” This has been so true for me and has led me to have a greater respect for the trials I have been through in my life. They have made me instead of breaking me.

I know what some of you are thinking, “Bart, you just do not understand because what has happened to me did not happen to you.” You are right to a degree in that what you have specifically experienced I have not, that is fair. However, what is true is that we all (every single one of us) have experienced loss, death, disappointment and violence in our lives. We all share that common bond of tragedy and for each of us it is personal, potentially breaking and devastating. But we all have had it and have made our individual choices as to how we would allow it to affect us. It is only different for you because it happened to you.

Andy Andrews, author of "The Seven Decisions", said, “We are where we are because of our best thinking.” If you are not where you want to be you must consider the possibility that what you have been doing is wrong and if our best ideas and thoughts come only from ourselves then a deep, honest self analysis is critical. If you are not in a place you want to be then it may be time to begin to look outwardly towards others who are where you would like to be.

Nobody sets out in life to be a failure at anything and yet it happens to us all. This is when the influence of friends, colleagues and mentors is so valuable, Your view is skewed and the weeds in our personal lives may be causing us to miss the wonders that lie just in front of us. This can be uncomfortable and revealing but it is only through outside influence that we can be truly changed on the inside.

Having an attitude that closes down others because of a false impression that no one else could possibly understand your situation is just a complicated way of saying, “I really do not want to improve my situation, as a matter of a fact I am kinda comfortable in my self-inflicted misery and by the way you are not really important enough for me to care about anyway.” Realization that your perception or behavior may be incorrect and even wrong is the first step to finding the answers. Some (for whatever reason) just do not want to change.

Yeah, it’s a harsh analysis but there comes a time when we are forced to make one of two choices. We either move forward in our life and appreciate the moments we have to be happy, love life and seize every moment as if it may be our last OR we live a life rooted in the past, missing the people who want to love us, giving life to things long dead and trying to save those who will not save themselves.

Whatever their decision I know that “fascination” awaits one group and we will just have to remained fascinated by the rest.

God bless you all and be on the lookout for the next installment – “Getting to Thanksgiving – Step 2”.

Saturday thought - God bless you all and make it a great weekend -

 "You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure." - Maya Angelou

 "Are you daily choosing life and joy or strengthening bitterness and discontent?? It is up to you . . . DO NOT MISS a moment of this precious gift dwelling on wrongs long gone and things or people you cannot change. Live, Love, Laugh - It's a good formula" - BC

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is then not an act, but a habit." - Aristotle

"The same could be said for failure. What is your habit?" BC

"Everybody’s got a past. The past does not equal the future unless you live there." - Tony Robbins

"The object of life and being optimistic is to be just crazy enough to expect the best is yet to come." BC

Make it a great weekend!!

“Gratitude opens the abundance of life. Transforming what is into more than enough. Refusal becomes acceptance, chaos becomes harmony, turbulence leads to clarity. Gratitude helps to unlock our past, brings us peace today, and forms our vision for the future.” - BC

"In all things give thanks." - 1 Thes 5:18

"A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers." - Ruth Bell Graham

AMEN!! Exchange good for great and that describes Melisa and me. How about you??

Our Lord has written the promise of the resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in spring-time. - Martin Luther

I am the resurrection and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. - Jesus Christ

"Success is not for the timid. It is for those who seek guidance, make decisions, and take decisive action." - Jose Silva

"Expectation sets your destination before you ever take a step. Believe it or not." - BC

"High achievement ALWAYS takes place in the framework of high expectation." - Charles Kettering

"Comfort is that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, then a master. And then it becomes a tamer, and with a hook and whip it makes puppets of your larger desires." - Kahlil Gibran

"Abundance is not something we acquire.
It is something we tune into." - Wayne Dyer

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, and forget what you did, they will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Conflict and Confusion – Part 2

Choose to respond to life, not to react. Sounds simple enough and it is, there is a catch. While simple to conceive choosing to respond and not react is not easy. Actually it goes against our human nature to defend ourselves immediately when confronted.

One of the best explanations of why this is such an important skill to master comes from my friend Jack Canfield. You may not recognize that name but you will certain recognize his work. He is the co-author of the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ book series.

Not too long ago I got an opportunity to sit down and talk with Jack. During this time he shared a formula with me, “E + R = O”. It changed my life. He told me that once we understand the simple fact that Events plus our Response (or Reaction) determines the Outcome then when we can really begin to effectively handle the difficulties that come into our lives.

In the E + R = O formula you have to ask yourself a couple of questions. The first is, “Can I control the events that happen around and to me?” The simple answer is, “No.” Question number two, “Can I control the outcomes of the situations I find myself in?” Again, the answer is, “No”. However, you can definitely influence it. This is where the “R” comes in. You see when faced with any event, positive or negative, your decision whether to react or respond is all important in getting the outcome you really desire.

Dictionary.com defines a reaction as, “resistance or opposition to a force, influence, or movement, to act in a reverse direction or manner” in other words to react is to fight in some form. Response is defined, “to act favorably, to exhibit some action to affect an answer.” Simply put it is a positive effort to get the result you desire.

Okay, sometimes things happen to us that are not pleasant, right? The choice we are all faced with is do we compound the event with a negative reaction or attempt to gain some good results through a thoughtful, positive response. The thing so few of us consider is the “ripple effect” of our choices.

The people around you, co-workers, friends and especially your family, they are watching you and in many cases feeding off your behavior. Like it or not we are all leaders in some respect. Everything we choose to do … or not do, matters and it matters in ways that we oftentimes never see yet it can affect the lives of those around us for years to come.

Before reacting to the next challenge you are faced with take a deep breath consider the outcome you desire, step back from your emotions and ask yourself is this worth the conflict. Lastly, consider the situation of the other persons involved and is this really about you. We are all dealing with various crises in our lives and the old proverb is true, “Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins . . . You can’t imagine the smell.”

God bless you and make the choice to always be your best.

Conflict and Confusion – Part 1 of 2

The world of man can be a confusing place and that confusion is never more evident than in time of conflict. Be it an argument at work or home, a debate on television or a discussion about a sporting event many people are just so absorbed into their personal picture of how things ought to be that they do not take the time to see things as they are. It is human nature to want things our way and in this overly prideful culture the disease of self fulfillment is seemingly terminal. Terminal in that even though we all see it in others few (very few) are willing to see it in themselves.

Over the course of the last decade it has been my goal to understand and to practice the old Native American proverb that says, “Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.” This has helped tremendously in seeing the pain of other people and how it manifests itself in their relations with others. I have found that conflict is more times than not a result of something that has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. Marital or family problems, illness, spiritual doubts and the growing plague of narcissism top the list of things I have found at the root of many of the conflicts I have been called on to mediate. What I learned is that there is a second part to the above proverb that most have never heard, “Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.”

So the real challenge we all are faced with is do we work to put ourselves in the “moccasins” of another? No matter the smell. Of course, there will be those that will attempt to unfairly hurt or betray you for no real reason other than they may be jealous of your success, hair color, happiness, shoe size or whatever. The giant step is understanding is that there are very few petty things and these people have no more control over you than you allow them to have. Your attitude and emotions can only be lost if you choose to give them away.

Issues that may seem petty and even immature to you are in fact very often of great importance to the other person. So here comes the part about “walking in his moccasins”. The hardest thing to do and the most personally rewarding is to take a deep breath and do not react to whatever the other person may be saying, however inane or childish it may seem to you. Ask yourself a very honest question, “What could possibly be motivating them to act this way and of what real profit to me is an angry reaction?” This is the first step into understanding others and ultimately getting a larger portion or maybe even all of what you want.

Don’t miss the second installment of Conflict and Confusion – “E + R = O”.

Make it a great day and may God bless and keep you all in every great way.

"Expectation is everything. Unless you expect to win it becomes a matter of chance. Sustained success is always preceded by devoted expectation. You must first believe in order to achieve." - BC

"Picture yourself in your mind's eye as having
already achieved the goal. See yourself doing the things you'll be doing when you've reached your goal." - Earl Nightingale

“Nobody excels beyond their wildest dreams and expectations without beginning with some wild dreams and expectations.” - BC

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." - Michelangelo

WOW - The sun did come up again.

Ever had one of those disappointments that just sort of sets you back on your heels and makes you really doubt yourself or maybe those around you? Well, I saw a group of young ladies have one of those moments last night. Among the opportunities I have been blessed with is the chance to coach a girls high school basketball team as an assistant on the varsity squad. These ladies are phenominal and have had an incredible season to date. They decided to make the move from 2A level play to 4A this year and are competing against schools 6 to 8 times larger than they are and winning.

Last night we played a team that we had beaten just last week in their gym and now they came to our house. It was not to be our night. That is just the way it goes sometimes and it is tough to swallow if you are a winner. We are winners.

In disapointment the lesson is usually pretty clear and the opportunity for learning is right in front of us if we choose to see it. This is no different.

It has been said that "great preparation precedes great performance" and this applies to all facets of our life. Preparation includes not only the physical aspects of readiness, which is what we all tend to focus on, it is about being mentally ready to recieve victory. Expecting to win, seeing yourself making the shot, raising the trophy, closing the sale or getting the date. Expectation attracts itself to you. So the question becomes, "Are you physically prepared and are you expecting to win?" These seldom work seperately and nearly always work when combined.

So, if you have had a defeat or disappointment walk outside, turn you face to the sun and feel its warmth. It did come up today and it is a new day full of promise and opportunity.

My friend Zig Ziglar said it best - "You are at the top when you clearly understand that failure is an event, not a person, that yesterday really did end last night and today is YOUR brand new day."

God bless your day - He made it for YOU so choose to be glad and rejoice in it.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Forgiveness may be the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the highest expression of grattitude you can give to God." - BC