"Abundance is not something we acquire.
It is something we tune into." - Wayne Dyer

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, and forget what you did, they will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Conflict and Confusion – Part 2

Choose to respond to life, not to react. Sounds simple enough and it is, there is a catch. While simple to conceive choosing to respond and not react is not easy. Actually it goes against our human nature to defend ourselves immediately when confronted.

One of the best explanations of why this is such an important skill to master comes from my friend Jack Canfield. You may not recognize that name but you will certain recognize his work. He is the co-author of the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ book series.

Not too long ago I got an opportunity to sit down and talk with Jack. During this time he shared a formula with me, “E + R = O”. It changed my life. He told me that once we understand the simple fact that Events plus our Response (or Reaction) determines the Outcome then when we can really begin to effectively handle the difficulties that come into our lives.

In the E + R = O formula you have to ask yourself a couple of questions. The first is, “Can I control the events that happen around and to me?” The simple answer is, “No.” Question number two, “Can I control the outcomes of the situations I find myself in?” Again, the answer is, “No”. However, you can definitely influence it. This is where the “R” comes in. You see when faced with any event, positive or negative, your decision whether to react or respond is all important in getting the outcome you really desire.

Dictionary.com defines a reaction as, “resistance or opposition to a force, influence, or movement, to act in a reverse direction or manner” in other words to react is to fight in some form. Response is defined, “to act favorably, to exhibit some action to affect an answer.” Simply put it is a positive effort to get the result you desire.

Okay, sometimes things happen to us that are not pleasant, right? The choice we are all faced with is do we compound the event with a negative reaction or attempt to gain some good results through a thoughtful, positive response. The thing so few of us consider is the “ripple effect” of our choices.

The people around you, co-workers, friends and especially your family, they are watching you and in many cases feeding off your behavior. Like it or not we are all leaders in some respect. Everything we choose to do … or not do, matters and it matters in ways that we oftentimes never see yet it can affect the lives of those around us for years to come.

Before reacting to the next challenge you are faced with take a deep breath consider the outcome you desire, step back from your emotions and ask yourself is this worth the conflict. Lastly, consider the situation of the other persons involved and is this really about you. We are all dealing with various crises in our lives and the old proverb is true, “Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins . . . You can’t imagine the smell.”

God bless you and make the choice to always be your best.

Conflict and Confusion – Part 1 of 2

The world of man can be a confusing place and that confusion is never more evident than in time of conflict. Be it an argument at work or home, a debate on television or a discussion about a sporting event many people are just so absorbed into their personal picture of how things ought to be that they do not take the time to see things as they are. It is human nature to want things our way and in this overly prideful culture the disease of self fulfillment is seemingly terminal. Terminal in that even though we all see it in others few (very few) are willing to see it in themselves.

Over the course of the last decade it has been my goal to understand and to practice the old Native American proverb that says, “Great Spirit, help me never to judge another until I have walked in his moccasins.” This has helped tremendously in seeing the pain of other people and how it manifests itself in their relations with others. I have found that conflict is more times than not a result of something that has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. Marital or family problems, illness, spiritual doubts and the growing plague of narcissism top the list of things I have found at the root of many of the conflicts I have been called on to mediate. What I learned is that there is a second part to the above proverb that most have never heard, “Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.”

So the real challenge we all are faced with is do we work to put ourselves in the “moccasins” of another? No matter the smell. Of course, there will be those that will attempt to unfairly hurt or betray you for no real reason other than they may be jealous of your success, hair color, happiness, shoe size or whatever. The giant step is understanding is that there are very few petty things and these people have no more control over you than you allow them to have. Your attitude and emotions can only be lost if you choose to give them away.

Issues that may seem petty and even immature to you are in fact very often of great importance to the other person. So here comes the part about “walking in his moccasins”. The hardest thing to do and the most personally rewarding is to take a deep breath and do not react to whatever the other person may be saying, however inane or childish it may seem to you. Ask yourself a very honest question, “What could possibly be motivating them to act this way and of what real profit to me is an angry reaction?” This is the first step into understanding others and ultimately getting a larger portion or maybe even all of what you want.

Don’t miss the second installment of Conflict and Confusion – “E + R = O”.

Make it a great day and may God bless and keep you all in every great way.

"Expectation is everything. Unless you expect to win it becomes a matter of chance. Sustained success is always preceded by devoted expectation. You must first believe in order to achieve." - BC

"Picture yourself in your mind's eye as having
already achieved the goal. See yourself doing the things you'll be doing when you've reached your goal." - Earl Nightingale

“Nobody excels beyond their wildest dreams and expectations without beginning with some wild dreams and expectations.” - BC

"The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark." - Michelangelo

WOW - The sun did come up again.

Ever had one of those disappointments that just sort of sets you back on your heels and makes you really doubt yourself or maybe those around you? Well, I saw a group of young ladies have one of those moments last night. Among the opportunities I have been blessed with is the chance to coach a girls high school basketball team as an assistant on the varsity squad. These ladies are phenominal and have had an incredible season to date. They decided to make the move from 2A level play to 4A this year and are competing against schools 6 to 8 times larger than they are and winning.

Last night we played a team that we had beaten just last week in their gym and now they came to our house. It was not to be our night. That is just the way it goes sometimes and it is tough to swallow if you are a winner. We are winners.

In disapointment the lesson is usually pretty clear and the opportunity for learning is right in front of us if we choose to see it. This is no different.

It has been said that "great preparation precedes great performance" and this applies to all facets of our life. Preparation includes not only the physical aspects of readiness, which is what we all tend to focus on, it is about being mentally ready to recieve victory. Expecting to win, seeing yourself making the shot, raising the trophy, closing the sale or getting the date. Expectation attracts itself to you. So the question becomes, "Are you physically prepared and are you expecting to win?" These seldom work seperately and nearly always work when combined.

So, if you have had a defeat or disappointment walk outside, turn you face to the sun and feel its warmth. It did come up today and it is a new day full of promise and opportunity.

My friend Zig Ziglar said it best - "You are at the top when you clearly understand that failure is an event, not a person, that yesterday really did end last night and today is YOUR brand new day."

God bless your day - He made it for YOU so choose to be glad and rejoice in it.

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Forgiveness may be the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the highest expression of grattitude you can give to God." - BC

Friday "Food for Thought" -

"Be bold, cherish your mistakes, mock your follies, and most importantly laugh at life."

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

"This is the moment that Lord has made . . . So enjoy it. It is all we are guaranteed. Make it a great day!" - BC"

"It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste."
— Henry Ford