Conflict and Confusion – Part 2

Choose to respond to life, not to react. Sounds simple enough and it is, there is a catch. While simple to conceive choosing to respond and not react is not easy. Actually it goes against our human nature to defend ourselves immediately when confronted.

One of the best explanations of why this is such an important skill to master comes from my friend Jack Canfield. You may not recognize that name but you will certain recognize his work. He is the co-author of the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ book series.

Not too long ago I got an opportunity to sit down and talk with Jack. During this time he shared a formula with me, “E + R = O”. It changed my life. He told me that once we understand the simple fact that Events plus our Response (or Reaction) determines the Outcome then when we can really begin to effectively handle the difficulties that come into our lives.

In the E + R = O formula you have to ask yourself a couple of questions. The first is, “Can I control the events that happen around and to me?” The simple answer is, “No.” Question number two, “Can I control the outcomes of the situations I find myself in?” Again, the answer is, “No”. However, you can definitely influence it. This is where the “R” comes in. You see when faced with any event, positive or negative, your decision whether to react or respond is all important in getting the outcome you really desire.

Dictionary.com defines a reaction as, “resistance or opposition to a force, influence, or movement, to act in a reverse direction or manner” in other words to react is to fight in some form. Response is defined, “to act favorably, to exhibit some action to affect an answer.” Simply put it is a positive effort to get the result you desire.

Okay, sometimes things happen to us that are not pleasant, right? The choice we are all faced with is do we compound the event with a negative reaction or attempt to gain some good results through a thoughtful, positive response. The thing so few of us consider is the “ripple effect” of our choices.

The people around you, co-workers, friends and especially your family, they are watching you and in many cases feeding off your behavior. Like it or not we are all leaders in some respect. Everything we choose to do … or not do, matters and it matters in ways that we oftentimes never see yet it can affect the lives of those around us for years to come.

Before reacting to the next challenge you are faced with take a deep breath consider the outcome you desire, step back from your emotions and ask yourself is this worth the conflict. Lastly, consider the situation of the other persons involved and is this really about you. We are all dealing with various crises in our lives and the old proverb is true, “Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins . . . You can’t imagine the smell.”

God bless you and make the choice to always be your best.